The first post..

Let’s be real:  the first post is going to suck.

I know it sucks, but I promise we will get through it together. I know it sucks, but I promise we will get through it together. Pinky promise.

Do i randomly just start to chronicle my life, do i talk about what i want from this blog, or do I write about some deep important issue that is going to get everyone’s attention and believe that I am worth paying attention to?

I have read all those blogs about how to have a successful blog but when it comes to me writing, well I don’t even know where to begin. There is none that really talk about the all important, first post. I mean one day this will obviously be famous.

I know what I have gotten from blogs. What they have taught and how they saved me from the deepest point of my eating disorder and turned my life around. I know that before reading blogs I had the perfect GPA and everyone believed I was pretty damn intelligent  but yet I had NO clue how to live a fit and healthy life. I hid behind my studying and high grades knowing that when it came to the real world, I could find a job but would I  never ever be healthy enough to really LIVE. And when it came down to it, my ignorance and stupidity when it came to nutrition and fitness was going to crush everything else I have.

Now I have IT. I don’t know how to explain IT but I have what I saw in the girls of my other favorite blogs.For the first time in my life, I truly believe I can be an asset or a benefit to someone. And IT is an amazing feeling. So if I can do anything in my life, ANYTHING, it would be to spread this feeling, this freedom to live, this knowledge around.

So there it is. Now I am A happy happy clam and I am still a working process. The above picture was taken on my 21st birthday  but even if I am drunk at the time :)~ , it perfectly captures what this summer has been like. HAPPINESS. Opposed to last summer were I was summoned home to be monitored and nurse back to health. I spent my days at therapists and nutritionists and having mental breakdowns over the idea of eating anything I considered “extra” (which at the time was everything).

“Alaina, Why don’t you eat so you can function like a normal 20-year-old?”

“No thanks, I’ll just wither away and sleep all the time”

I still struggle with recovering. I am now dealing with the extra pounds that come from full recovery and wanting to eat everything I denied myself in the last two years and with the belief that I must eat to stay alive. Back then, I needed tobinge” eat more food than everyone else so I can LIVE. Now, not so important. Now, me eating three lunches is me just not knowing how to be normal with food still. Dieting when you once had a severe eating disorder is a slippery slope. One day you are happy because you went through the day without eating a whole box of cereal and the next you are happy because all you ate was a bowl of cereal. You see my dilemma, here.

So here it is. Me documenting what it is like to find my “healthy tipping point” while not become an anorexic,  stay in college and get a master’s degree,and lead a normal life.





One thought on “The first post..

  1. Hey lady,
    I am so glad you commented on my blog so I could find yours. I am so honored that you have been reading my blog and finding it helpful in anyway at all. This seriously made me so happy to read this morning and I want to thank you for that.
    I’m not sure that ED will ever be completely silent for me either, but the recovery process entails quieting those voices…those negative, demon, irrational, illogical voices that enable us to lead a real crappy life. They might always still be there, but I am working on dealing with them and I think it’s really working… I am getting happy becoming the person I once was again, simple as that.
    I would love to keep talking to you and supporting each other!
    I am also going to keep reading your blog. It’s great so far (don’t worry the first post is always rather awkward) and I am bookmarking it as we speak, so I can continue to read about your RECOVERY 🙂
    Talk to you soon!

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